She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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