We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
