He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
