He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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