The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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