that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
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