I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
