I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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