dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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