my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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