The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
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