Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
