the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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