i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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