Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
