the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
