I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
