I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
