i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Randomize
