i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
foreskin is a definite game changer
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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