I look better un-naked...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
