he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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