it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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