yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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