It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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