if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Boobs speak an international language.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
