I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
