I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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