Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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