You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
