what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
