he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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