I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
