I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
