Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
