1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just high enough for therapy.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
