She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
