I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
