she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
