sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just found a bag of teeth...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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