apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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