the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
