the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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