so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
