dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
