You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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