He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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