MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
