Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This is classic penis vs brain.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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