Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
