Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Your penis caused this!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
