Apparently you make a good broom.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
