It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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