just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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