i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
