Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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