Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
this hospital has no fireball
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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