I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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