Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
