Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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