what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
