He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
